June 24, 2024 @Scot Smith
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<img src="/icons/arrow-right_red.svg" alt="/icons/arrow-right_red.svg" width="40px" /> This framework encourages you to be proactive in addressing problems, but also realistic about when something is simply not the right fit, saving you time and heartache.
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Problems (Solvable, Actionable):
- Communication Style Mismatch:
- Problem: One person is very communicative, the other is more closed off.
- Solution: Discuss communication needs and find a compromise.
- Different Social Preferences:
- Problem: One person is a homebody, the other is very social.
- Solution: Negotiate how much alone time vs. social time each person needs.
- Disagreements on Relationship Pace:
- Problem: One person wants to move quickly (meeting family, becoming exclusive), the other prefers a slower pace.
- Solution: Openly discuss relationship expectations and timelines.
- Logistical Challenges:
- Problem: Busy schedules or geographical distance make it difficult to see each other.
- Solution: Collaborate on finding creative solutions, like virtual dates or adjusting schedules.
Decisions (About Compatibility, Not Fixable):
- Differing Life Goals:
- Decision Point: One person wants children, the other doesn't. This isn't something you can compromise on.
- Fundamental Values Clash:
- Decision Point: Strong opposing views on religion, politics, or lifestyle choices that are core to your identities.
- Lack of Emotional Attraction:
- Decision Point: You might enjoy spending time with someone, but you don't feel a romantic spark. Forcing it rarely works.
- Dealbreakers:
- Decision Point: These are non-negotiables for you, like smoking, substance use, or certain behaviors.
Key Takeaways:
- Problems are about external factors or behaviors that can be addressed through communication, compromise, or effort.
- Decisions are about fundamental compatibility, values, and feelings that are unlikely to change.
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